How should I start a best man speech?

Start inside a story, mid-scene, with a concrete detail only you could know. Skip the introduction of yourself entirely — the room will work it out, and the first sentence is the most valuable one you have.

What should I never open with?

A dictionary definition, “for those of you who don't know me”, an apology for not being a public speaker, or a borrowed quotation. All four tell the room that nothing personal is coming.

How do you open a eulogy?

Plainly, with a single true fact about them. Something small and specific — what they did on Tuesdays, what their hands looked like. A grieving room needs somewhere steady to land, not a performance.

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Opening lines that earn the room.

These are shapes, not scripts. A line you copy from a stranger sounds like a line you copied from a stranger — what travels is the structure, filled with your own material.

Best man

Start inside the story, mid-scene.

It's raining. It has been raining for four hours. And Danny will not take the tent down.

No preamble, no throat-clearing. The room is already listening before they know why.

State the one true thing, then earn it.

Danny decides, and then he stays. I've got about four minutes to prove it.

Promises the room a payoff and tells them when it's coming.

A number that raises a question.

I've had thirty-one years of material and four minutes. Some things have not made the cut.

Gets the laugh and buys you the length in the same sentence.

Maid of honour

Who she was before.

Before any of you met her, Priya used to introduce herself by telling you what she was reading.

Gives the room something only you could have said.

The moment you knew about them.

She called me at eleven at night to tell me about a man who'd fixed her bike wrong on purpose so he'd have a reason to come back.

One concrete scene beats any amount of characterisation.

Retirement

The smallest true detail.

For twenty-two years, this office has run on the fact that Susan gets in at ten past seven.

Specific enough that everyone who works there nods immediately.

What changes tomorrow.

On Monday, somebody else has to make the difficult phone calls. We're all quietly terrified.

Says what they meant without listing their job history.

Eulogy

Begin plainly, with a fact.

My grandmother made bread on Tuesdays for sixty years.

Nothing performed. A plain fact gives a grieving room somewhere safe to land.

Name what you're doing.

I want to tell you about her hands.

Announcing the shape of what follows steadies you as much as the room.

The four to never use

“Webster's dictionary defines marriage as…”

It signals within four words that nothing personal is coming.

“For those of you who don't know me…”

It spends your strongest sentence on admin. They'll work out who you are.

“I'm not much of a public speaker…”

It asks the room to lower its expectations before you've given them a reason to.

“They say that behind every great man…”

A borrowed quotation tells the room the speech is about to be generic. It usually is.

Or let the interview find yours.

The opening is usually hiding in an answer you've already given.

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